All Aboard.......

I've learned a lot of lessons this year.  Hard lessons that I really wasn't ready to learn.  And I didn't want to.  But I suppose that's what life is about. Learning and accepting the hard stuff.  I can tell you with a thousand percent certainly that I like the easy stuff better.  I'm still working on some of the lessons.  Processing, deciding, rationalizing, denying.  I guess learning really is a lifelong project.  Although its hard for me to think about lifelong anything right now.  I'll just say that still, every single day, I'm learning something new about myself, my kids, my wife, my life....

I've learned about how honesty means something different to every person, even people you think should share the same definition as you.  I learned that honesty within yourself and being honest with yourself is more important than being honest with anyone else. 

I've learned that intentions really don't matter.  Results and consequences do.  It makes no difference what your intent is, if you hurt someone, break something, end something or start something, that's what matters.  And it matters to a lot of people. 

I've learned that morals and ethics define who you are.  I think if you are a truly honest person and are kind and thoughtful, you are going to live your life in a moral and ethical manner.  And people will see you as such.  When you are dishonest in your words or your actions or with the truth inside yourself, your ethics and your morals and really your whole belief system comes into question.  And you will be treated accordingly. 

I've learned that respect matters.  In everything.  Respect in yourself, your family, your spouse, your kids, your neighbors, your coworkers.  You will receive the amount of respect that you put forth.  If you think you deserve more respect from people, chances are you should show more respect to people. 

I've learned that it doesn't matter who you try and please, if its not yourself then you can never really be happy.  There will always be somebody who disagrees with your decision, but if you are true to yourself and it feels good to your heart, its right. 

I've learned that sometimes, just because a decision is the right one one day, it might not be on the next.  And figuring out how to live with decisions you've made that maybe today you'd decide differently is probably one of the hardest lessons of all this year.  I can't honestly say that I'm exactly in the place I want to be and that my relationships are all exactly how I'd like them to be.  I've hurt people I shouldn't have, loved people I shouldn't have and most of all veered from who I believed myself to be.  And I'm learning to live with the consequences of those actions.  We all are. 

So as I reflect on the past year, and look ahead to the new one, I'm filled with emotions of all sorts.  Good, bad.  Happy, sad.  Excitement and nervousness.  I suppose this post-holiday rambling could have been a little more uplifting, but that really doesn't feel true to me right now.  Don't get me wrong, I had a beautiful Christmas with my family, celebrating our health and good fortune and giving gifts from our hearts to our friends and family.  And I have no doubt that 2014 will get on track, its just getting to the right station that's going to be the hard part...